The Lord has been doing a huge work in my heart. Even though I have the struggle of being home while Matt gets to go to all these awesome classes, hearing awesome teachings, being at all the services, going to the prayer room and just soaking. I just keep asking God to touch my heart where I am at. Tonight, even though my attempt to go to tonight’s service failed with Shane puking and me having to leave to go home, the Lord pressed on my heart. I try not to have anger or frustration about not being there, because I know I am exactly where the Lord has me. Here with my children and keeping house. Tonight they had IHOPU students preach. The girl who spoke tonight, Davy Flowers, her word spoke straight to my heart. She talked on laying it all down and choosing to follow Christ. Even right now I JUST realized that the Lord is asking of me to give up my time, my desires, my wants and spend my time with my children and teach them about Christ. I don’t consider my children a burden, but I do get into this mode of I am missing out. I have ALWAYS hated missing out! So once I got home from having to leave tonight’s service, I chose (keyword here) to lovingly and slowly put my children to bed and made sure all their needs were met. Once I was done I debated on what to do. Do I sit on fb and read statuses, daze on pinterest and sit in my frustration and anger of having to leave early or swallow my pride, get over my selfishness and turn on the service and listen over the web stream and ask the Lord to touch me right where I’m at. So… I swallowed my pride and turned on the web stream. Davy’s talk moved my heart! A verse that came to mind was:
Then Peter began to say, “See, we have left all and followed You.” So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time, …with persecutions, and in the age to come, eternal life.” – Mark 10:28-30
There is reward in giving things and desires up and following Jesus!! Davy talked on a few things, but the one that hit home for me was when she said this:
Radical Christianity is the exchange of all for all! It’s willingly surrendering everything that I am for all that He is. It’s where His values become our values, His purposes & plans become our purposes and plans, His desires become our desires, our time becomes His time, our money becomes His money! It’s this beautiful exchange of all my perceived “deserves” and “rights” get to die.
Whoa! That went straight to my heart. It so pierced me that I couldn’t even focus on the rest of the talk, which I am most positive was amazing. But I couldn’t get this thought out of my head! What are all the things I don’t give up to Him? Living the Christian life is definitely not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of strength, prayer and self control. I want to live a life of Radical Christianity. No matter what I have to give up, little or big, I will choose to do it to have a life with Jesus.
As I looked over the last year and a half I can see that we have started to really give things up. I started to think, hmmm I am doing pretty good, we moved because we knew it was what the Lord was calling us to do, we gave things up to live a simpler life and we go without a lot. I’d say we have made the Lord’s desires our desires, His plans our plans. Of course God stopped me. He then started to highlight more things in my heart that I really need to focus on. When you think you are done having surgery on your heart, the Lord is always gracious enough to show you more, so that we can become even more like Him. So, anywho, besides changing my heart on not being angry/frustrated with not being able to be where Matt is, God made me aware of how I spend my days. I spend it with the kids (which is good), on fb, eating, on fb, snacking, on pinterest, kids, doing something on the computer and eating more. I noticed also that I eat/spend time on the computer more depending on my emotional state. As far as food goes, I overindulge in food and in the comfort of it. I hate that about myself. I have let food have reign in my life over Christ. When I am sad, moody, depressed, even happy, I eat. I am not okay with that. Eating is not necessarily wrong, but when you eat to ease your emotions, it’s an addiction and then it’s wrong. I want to overindulge in Christ (if there is such a thing) I want to give up of my worldly comforts for the comfort of the Lord’s comforting wings wrapped about me in safety of His plan for me, rather than my plan for me. The Lord caused me to be aware of how I let my emotions control me more than I let the Spirit control me. If I want to say “Yes” to the Lord and follow Him wherever and whenever, will I be able to on a bad day? Or will I say “Wait Lord, today was a rough one. Just let me veg out for an hour or two then I will be good as new Jesus.” Sheesh! I really hope not!
My heart is in a constant need for change and for the fire of God to burn out the nasty to make room for the good and the pure. So I have come to the conclusion to make drastic changes to allow more time for Jesus. I am so through with my emotions controlling my actions. I want the Lord to have reign in my heart & days. I want Jesus to consume my time. Not Facebook or pinterest or eating. When I am having a bad day, instead of going to the cupboard to ease my emotions, I want to run into the arms of my Heavenly Father. Instead of turning on the computer in my boredom, and letting my time waste away, because our time on earth is short. I desire nothing less than to spend my time learning of Christ and sharing His love with my children and people I meet. I don’t want to live a hidden life. I want my life to bring glory God!
Here is what I propose to do and as I best I can, I plan to stick to it:
- No snacking
- No eating after 7pm
- As best as I can, when I am emotional, spend time in the Word, worshiping and spending time with my Creator
- Spending only 1 hour a day on the computer
- Only edit after my children go to bed
- Give as much attention to my children as I can. I want to enjoy them even more than I already do 🙂
I don’t think that is too extreme do you? If you feel the Lord laying things on your heart that you need to change, give it up to Him! You will be happy you did. His way is higher and greater! If you feel you should, make a list also. I hope this touched your heart.
God Bless You!!