So I have been wanting to write a new post for a long time, but haven’t been able to put into words what I want to say. So here is just a glimpse into my thoughts and heart.
” I Timothy 1:17 ‘Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory for ever and ever.”
Never any words of Scripture seemed to me as these words did. I thought to myself, how excellent a Being that was, and how happy I should be, if I might enjoy that God, and be rapt up to Him in heaven, and be, as it were, swallowed up in Him forever.’ -Jonathon Edwards
As I was reading this, my heart jumped and exclaimed “I WANT THAT!” I LONG to have that kind of relationship with the Lord. I desire so badly to have moments where I just sit and bask in His presence, to be “caught up” and see Him face to face, to feel the weight of His glory! I want to go hard after God… Whatever it takes… Whatever that means. I have this insatiable desire to be near to Him, even more so than I am now. I can’t quite explain it. I want it so badly that I wish I could just stop everything I am doing and lay down, wherever I am, and sing out the praises that are in my heart! And as I lay there, that the weight of His glory would just fall upon me. I long for Him to pour His love out over me, to feel the joy He feels for me. I am getting just a glimpse of it, but I want more. I KNOW He loves me, and I KNOW He takes delight in me, but I want REVELATION of that! Not just head knowledge of His great love for me, but heart knowledge. I don’t want to just sit and talk about Him (even I do enjoy a good God chat) but I want to experience Him! He is so much more than just a story in a book. He is living and is right here. So accessible, but we just walk right by. We don’t care about what He has to say or what He thinks. But you know what? I’m done with living life with just a little bit of Jesus. I want a lot of Jesus! I want all of Him and I want Him to have all of me, all of my heart! He is MORE than worthy of it! I want to know what He thinks. I want to know what He has to say! He is my friend and I want to talk to Him daily.
As the months have gone by with us being here in KC, my desire for God has intensified greatly. Living my life, hanging on my by fingertips just doesn’t work anymore. Living in compromise, and thinking I had everything together is delusional. I am done with thinking that I could live this life thinking that My hubby or I could provide all that we need in this life. Oh how wrong we were to think that. Just these few short months have proven us wrong. God has shown us how much He loves us and how much He desires to care and provide for us, if only we were willing to give everything up and live for Him. He is AMAZING and truly worthy of our praise, there is NO ONE like Him, and I wish everyone could see Him as the beautiful man that He is. He loves and cares for us so deeply. If only we could drop all the negative labels that people stick on us and push past the hurts to feel the love He has for us. I choose no one else but Him to live my life for. So, I am laying all I have down and going hard after Him. I am giving up those labels and becoming who I am truly made to be, in Christ.