You said there would be joy in the laying down, You said there would be joy in the letting go, You said there would be joy in the giving of my life/giving of my rights
This song could not ring any more true. Here I stand wondering, where is the joy? I am letting go, I am giving up, I am laying down, but I do not feel any more joyful. Today I find myself contending for joy, in the mundane, in the day to day, in the moment when no one listens and everything goes wrong. As the song later says:
”I have to DIG for the wells of joy, I’ve gotta get to the wells of joy! I’ve gotta get lower, lower. I gotta go deeper, deeper! Let the river flow!”
Well today… today is a digging for joy day. Some days you’ve got the joy, things go extremely well and my little loves are very cooperative. Other days, well you gotta dig for it. Those are days that you just wish there was an “easy” button, or that you had an on-call mommy that you could call in for back-up. But being mom would be too easy if that were the case. You’ve got to dig until you find the well! I am going to keep digging and I won’t stop.I feel like one of those crazy gold diggers digging in the wrong spot. I just keep digging going “I’m getting closer! I just know it! I will hit gold soon! Any moment!!” And everyone standing around the hole just looks down at me like I am nuts and shakes their head. Well on I dig.
Today is one of those, “who can I call in for back-up” days. As I found my two year old hiding under her bed pulling out the floss out of it’s container for the 3rd time, after me tediously taking it apart and winding it back-up for, no joke, 15 minutes, my insides started to churn. I wanted to scream. So instead of freaking out on her, I put her in her bed and I ran into my room. I threw myself on my bed and threw a giant mommy fit. Why would I freak out about silly dental floss? Good question. But it’s the day where everything just seems to go sour and the dental floss was the kicker. The one that pushed it all over the edge. So as I laid in my bed crying like a giant baby, I screamed to God, “Why does this have to be so hard? Why can’t everyone just listen and obey the first time? Why do I have to repeat myself? Why can’t everyday be a joyful day?!” Then I came upon James 1:2-4
My brethren, count IT ALL JOY when you fall into various trials, knowing that the TESTING of your faith produces patience, But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
Well, there you have it. Count IT ALL joy. Goodness gracious. Joy has got to be one of the hardest things to have or attain. ESPECIALLY when there are kids yelling, kids crying and kids pulling out all my floss. My patience is being tested day in and day out. Who knew parenting would be like this? I’ve never been much good at being patient, at least with kids. But with the help of Jesus and some very influential friends, I am becoming more and more forgiving and more patient as well. Also learning to go with the flow. Being a full-time stay-at-home mom has got to be the toughest job. But I keep reminding myself that it won’t always be like this. I try to keep my head in the game and love them every moment of the day. Because they won’t stay little for long. Even though it’s tough, there are those days when my oldest daughter comes up and whispers in my ear, “Mommy, did you know that Jesus loves you?” Those moments take my breath away and bring tears to my eyes and reminds me that Jesus is not far away. He’s right here, going through it with us.
I keep hearing it being said around here that being a mom really makes you face all the “ick” that is inside of you. You may have “thought” you were a great person who never thought bad things, said bad things or did bad things. Then you become a mom and you are faced daily with all the hidden things within your heart. Kids are really good at helping you get rid of the “ick” in your life. So, at the end of the day I find myself thankful. Thankful for my beautiful kids, thankful for the testing, trials and fire that I have to and get to go through. That may sounds funny, but it’s true!! I am thankful that I get to go through this with the best kids, because I am not alone! I love that I get to have Jesus by my side, helping me walk out my salvation, day by day. This has got to be the hardest purification process EVER! But when I come out in the end (if I come out alive… HA!) I will be shining and bright!
So my friends, consider it JOY when you go through trials, heart ache, long school days, the pains of life, screaming kids, fit throwing, floss pulling, diaper changing, potty training, whiny voices and crying children. Because the testing of your faithfulness through it all brings patience. Keep your eyes fixed on the One who loves you through it all and sees the hard stuff. It is only by having doves eyes, focused eyes, that we will be able to endure. Joy will come. So choose it. Choose joy. Dig for it, and don’t stop digging until you hit an over flowing well of it! I can’t wait for the day that the Lord just rains joy down upon me.
Bless you all!!